I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
