How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
