WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Someone signed my nipple.
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