She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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