the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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