He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
