Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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