my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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