Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
