even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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