It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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