Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
