I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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