I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
