one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am mentally ready for anal.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
