I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
