Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize