Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
