The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
