guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
