the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
