??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
