I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
