Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
