No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
