What did we do last night that was yellow?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
