u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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