she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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