im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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