I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
