it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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