:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
