i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
