I wish I could punch you in the face.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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