She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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