We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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