He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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