i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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