worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
