he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
