tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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