piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
