She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize