and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
