I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
