It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
