and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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