omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There are leaves in my underwear?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
