Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
