when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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