Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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