I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
