I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
