i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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