im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i now understand why vodka
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