Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please, let me fuck your mom
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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