This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
