Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
