I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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