I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
