it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
