Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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