The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
