I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
