He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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