Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
