I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
