if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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