stop calling my apartment porn island.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
